In a coffee shop in Manhattan, a Daniel Shiner set out on an unusual challenge: to become the most disliked person in the room. He interrupted readers, cut in line, and even lay on the floor—all in the name of boosting his assertiveness quotient (AQ).
While emotional intelligence (EQ) helps us understand others, assertiveness quotient (AQ) is about having tough conversations.
People with high AQ can ask for what they want, give constructive feedback, and confront issues directly.
IQ v. EQ v. AQ
IQ is a measure of a person’s cognitive abilities.
EQ is the ability to understand other people—to listen, empathize, self-regulate, and appreciate.
AQ is the ability to have uncomfortable conversations, comfortably engage in tough talks, ask for what they want, decline what they don’t.
Assertiveness is a determining factor for successful Leadership. Read full article here
The Bootcamp Experience
To improve his AQ, he created a bootcamp with exercises designed to practice uncomfortable conversations.
Uncomfortable Negotiations
At flea markets, he offered vendors unreasonably low prices—to practice saying things people didn’t want to hear. The goal was not to get a discount but to practice the discomfort of making bold requests.
Unusual Conversations
Approaching strangers with weird requests was another exercise. He began with easier challenges—asking someone on the street if they had a stick of gum or if they liked his shoes—and increased the intensity over time.
The results!
The bootcamp was grueling. He woke up each morning dreading the day ahead, cringing at the list of uncomfortable conversations.
But in the end he experienced amazing results:
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Awareness and a new comfort level
By repeatedly triggering his own anxiety, he learned to recognize the physical and mental sensations associated with uncomfortable interactions.
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More confidence
People often react better than expected. Most strangers engaged politely with his unusual requests, proving that negative projections are often unfounded. This realization helped him approach future interactions with more confidence.
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Expanded comfort zone
Extreme exercises made everyday awkwardness feel manageable, expanding his comfort zone.
Being assertive is a valuable skill, but without emotional intelligence, it can backfire and make you seem rude. Balance both to grow effectively.
Will you try one of these crazy ideas yourself?
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Till next week,
Noemi
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Read the full story here.
Credit: medium.com/@danshiner
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Book Recommendation
The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness View it here.
